What ticks you off…?

Aschhhooo! *moving on* Do you get irritated when people sneeze or belch/burp but do not cover their mouth or say ‘excuse me?’

I am pretty sure everyone has their very own long list of pet peeves. It could be anything really, as long as it irritates you. It is always a joy for me to find like minded people with whom we can talk about our dislike for certain words or actions.

You can imagine the grin on my face when I asked my good ol’ buddy Google what he thought and he had hundreds of things that drive people crazy and for some of them I got to say ‘me too!’ every few minutes. There are the usual suspects that irk practically everyone; public spitting, poking one’s nose, people who chew loudly as if to say “Feel it, for me I can eat loudly and you can’t..nya nya nya nya nya.” etc

Even as I write this, a few more keep coming to my head but I shall share those that are ‘dearest’ to my heart.

Believe it or not, I am guilty of a few of the things that tick me off. ( Are you guilty too?) Luckily, I can’t complain out loud when they occur. Example? That is easy. I like eye contact as I speak to a friend, not have them look at their phone constantly and go “Yeah” or “I know right” etc to me, acting lke they are paying attention as they reply a text/chat on the side. Well, I do it too, sometimes. In my defence, I am a work in progress..and I try to apologise before/after/during.

Still not buying it? Well, I tried.

>* Of Phones and their ‘sins’* Speaking of texts. One of the pet peeves I read up on and agree with is ‘people who can’t keep a text conversation going.’ How annoying is this?! The ironic bit is these same people will want to chat often and after ‘hi, what’s up, how is everything…?’ The conversation is over. Still, they want to push it along.One of these culprits tried to force me to admit I was on the verge of planning a wedding once simply because he had nothing to say. He was desperate for a middle ground but we had none. He decided to make up the ‘joke’ and insist I was getting married hence my ‘silence’ (we were not close)Needless to say,his joke backfired. It was pretty awkward after that.

Closely related are those phone conversations that just won’t end. It is worse if they come early in the morning or late at night and there is nothing of importance to share. Knowing that sleep often evades me or needs ‘pleading.’ I will not want to pick calls at a certain time. After this little sacrifice, hoping there is a life or death announcement, a hitherto not so close friend expects you to play ‘hang up, no you hang up’ even when it is clear there is nothing more to say. *wailing*

I know a charming young man who is terrible at this whole keeping a  text coversation going thing. He will go ‘lol’ after every three seconds and you will leave believing you are Kevin Hart Jr. if his ‘lols’ are anything to go buy. Never to ask questions. After he says ‘hey,’ it is up to you to run the conversation from there. Also, don’t people know that when someone asks you how you are it is polite to ask how they are too? If you don’t really care, feign it at least.Needless to say, I can’t stand the chats with friend X anymore. At during face to face chats, we have no awkward silences and useless ‘lols.’

Do I have to add that ‘lol’ is an overused lie? We all know you are not laughing out loud, yes, not even once. This phrase got me so mad I began saying  ‘lol’ out loud to spite the phrase. It kind of stuck which must be a pet peeve for someone else..*Note to self,stop saying lol*

While we are on this subject, why do people feel the need to abbreviate words no matter how short? The top on my list is known to most of my friends.The evil “K.” The word okay must have done something terrible in its past to deserve all the torture it has gone through in this lifetime. Gosh! Just four letters and suddenly it is used as ‘ok,’ ‘k,’ or even ‘oke.’ I promise I didn’t make that last one up. Someone actually reported this case to the ‘okay’ police(read me) a few weeks back. *wincing in pain*

Other words that have suffered include ‘why’- y, dear-dia/dir, Good night-nyt,gdnt,gdn8.nt, Your-ur (insert your list)A few days ago someone ‘reported’ a new one too ‘on b1/2’ (meaning on behalf)Okay I am beginning to shake. I shall stop now.

Wait, before I go, you gathered all your energy to text/inbox/write on my wall and when you got there all you could say was ‘HBD!’ Really? Is it laziness or just plain…plain what? I don’t know but eh…@#$^&!

Continuing conversations that never started. I find it a tad disrespectful when I get messages like ‘send me Brian’s number.’ We haven’t spoken in a while and that is your opening line? No hello at least? I have to fight not to send a sarcastic reply or lecture the sender…but sometimes I just can’t help it..especially if we are not close. One word. ‘Kamanyiro.’

> Half hearted hugs/handshakes

I often go to a nice little chapel close to home for my Sunday dose of the Lord’s word. For a long time, this lady used to sit behind me practically every Sunday. I do not remember her for her smile or melodic voice in church. On the contrary! Every time it was time for peace,(in which we get to wish the peace of the Lord upon our neighbours,often with handshakes) she gave me one and a half fingers or two at most. I must have had the most infectious form of cancer because even this took only two seconds before she pulled her fingers away at super sonic speed. I never got used to it.

I do not know if it is paranoia, the heat or general lack of ‘hugging etiquette’ but there are some people who just can’t hug…’properly.’ They bend slightly and take the first opportunity to let go just as you are getting the feel of this ’embrace.’ I would say it is out of caution but when you start to act like this amongst family and friends then we raise eyebrows on whom you will actually ever hug-properly.

Don’t get me wrong, I think people should not get too familiar and give 5 minute hugs to strangers or even friends with whom they share platonic relationships-that would be creepy..but put some ‘feeling’ into it if you are not being forced. If it really makes you uncomfortable, give the recipient a high five instead. They will get the point.Gosh!

>Pretentious conversations/people/endearments etc

Those people who only call/text only when they want help. You know one,two,too many? I know a few but here is one story.

Girl X whom I shall call Belinda has never been anything more than an acquaintance to me. I know it. She knows it too. I am sure; except she thinks she is brilliant. I realised soon after meeting her that her sorts of friendships are those from which she benefits..STRICTLY.. so each time I saw a message that started “Hi love…” I knew the next words would go something like “Lend me, can you help me with, Do you know anyone who…..” She tried to sell me anything and everything and asked me to get her market for her clothes, shoes, jewellery etc. I must admit if she had been a little more tactful and made a few calls weeks or days before she needed help, just to check, I might have been a little more sympathetic and supportive of all her ventures. I would have been onto her but she would still get marks for trying. ..but nope. It was all about her.

I recently found out she was receiving unrelated favours from guy P whom I shall call Philip. She has her own boyfriend but Philip was being cajoled into responsiblities that he would not gain from at all.Not that friendship is about tit for tat but then again, it takes two to tango. I wonder how many other unsuspecting victims she is calling ‘sweerie, baibe,coco pop,sugar plum,cuppy cake love etc. Moving on..

>Silent transfer of  property

If you have had sisters, stayed in a dormitory or shared a room, I am certain you have experienced this. It could be clothes, shoes, accessories, bags, generally everything. If it looks good on me, it is mine, right? Wrong!

I am all for sharing and have no problem with giving/receiving. However, when one decides to think for me and take over ownership of that which does not belong to her/him, then I start to question their morals.

I remember when I was a little girl in Primary School, I liked to look at ‘the other side of the fence.’ I would go home and tell mum about how the ‘rich’ kids packed food and I didn’t or exchange my own stationery with friends because I thought it was cuter or fancier. Well, if I left home with a bic pen and returned with nice or any other brand, I would have to return it the next day with an apology. If it was possible I would have taken it that night with my ear being pulled to the ground. I slowly and stubbornly learnt to appreciate what was mine..small, ugly, little. It did not matter, that is what I could have.

Over the years though, I have met quite a few people who do not share these sentiments. They borrow money or property and keep it so long that it becomes ‘theirs’ and you are evil for even wanting it back. I mean, how dare you ask for the cute dress you lent me two months ago. Do you not see that I look hotter in it and have taken lots of photos. They are on facebook and instagram by the way so people will think it is you who borrowed. duh!Do you still want the dress?

The other ‘weird’ people

Whereas I might be harsh on some of these things, I know some people who are a little worse than me. They have serious cases of OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

A good example is * Diana* who would rather not share her bathing soap. Why? Well, when guests come to sleep over at her home, they use the soap a certain way and end up ‘deleting’ the word ‘Dettol,’ ‘Protex,’ ‘Geisha’ etc… If she finds her protex soap with only ‘…tex’ left on it, she can’t use it anymore. How could you?!! You took away its anti bacterial nature with those letters…hehe.

*Mark* will not be caught dead carrying a polythene bag a.k.a kavera. If it is a black one, you might as well torture him to death.

How does he carry things around, you may ask. Well, he waits for a day when he shall have a backpack. Once, he saw a pair of shoes he liked. He had the money but he could not purchase them. I offered to carry the kavera but what would happen between his taxi and home? He opted to go back the next day.

He behaves like another gentleman I know who not only loathes buvera but also doesn’t believe you can wear a suit and use a boda boda. How?!! Ruining street cred just. So, as you purchase your Armani suit, by all means deposit on your dream car as well.

So, what drives you mad? Is it when an old friend screams your name across the road…or those neighbours in the taxi who black out on your shoulder and drool too, God forbid.

Please share, I would love to hear your stories.